I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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