please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Is it because I queefed?
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Randomize
