If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
