I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
