This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
