Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
