If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
