I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
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