My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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