I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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