Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
