Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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