Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I didn't notice because vodka
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
