Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
You are the jesus of drinking
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
