she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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