mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
