well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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