Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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