yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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