Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Randomize
