I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
