If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
