just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
high people should be assigned attendants
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
