I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
