My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize