I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize