Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize