her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
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