Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
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