***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Randomize
