i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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