Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
