My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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