It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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