I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
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