3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
