Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
and eventually we just all took our pants off
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
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