i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
Randomize
