The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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