Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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