only if we run a train.
done.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
i think my cat just said my name.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
