I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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