I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
