At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
