im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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