Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
