Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize
