...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
If I die, sorry about rent.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
