Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
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