perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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