If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
