Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
