i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
did i walk over a car last night?
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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