My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
