He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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