Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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