Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Randomize
