When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
