i was rollin on her like bob the builder
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
