Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
